The Official Winchester Care Manual
by AllShallFade777
Summary: A guide for anyone who finds themselves in the company of the Winchester brothers.
1. Chapter 1

**The Official Winchester Care Manual**

Congratulations! You have recently befriended, be-enemied, or otherwise become the proud associate of one (1) Sam and one (1) Dean Winchester. This manual is your guide to ensure proper care of said Winchesters and to prevent all manner of mistreatment and mishap.

For your convenience, the manual is divided into sections detailing the shared needs and requirements of both brothers as well as sections providing overviews of the brothers' needs and requirements as individuals.

Please read all instructions and follow carefully.

Understand that the Winchesters are complex individuals with multifaceted personalities and intricate psyches, and in order to compile the most accurate information possible, instructions are based on both close observation and careful study, as well as opinions expressed in interviews with the Winchester brothers themselves. As such, you may find that the guide at times contradicts itself; in these instances, it is up to the reader to decide at their discretion which piece of advice is most appropriate to heed given the situation.

If you have any questions or would like to consult with one of our professionals, please leave a message on our website and we will respond as soon as possible. If you require immediate assistance, please call the number for your local emergency services, apply pressure, and don't let the other one do anything stupid.

Thank you for your purchase of The Official Winchester Care Manual ©. We hope you enjoy your time with the Winchesters.

(Disclaimer: Author is not liable for accidents caused by the misuse, misinterpretation, or exploitation of this manual that may result in harm of any kind to the reader or to the Winchester brothers. Proper use of this manual does not guarantee the safety or survival of the Winchester brothers. Authorship (or readership, for that matter) of this manual in no way implies ownership of the Winchester brothers. Results may vary.)

 **Table of Contents**

 **Dean Winchester p 3**

 _Early Life, Profile, and Additional Info p 3_

 _Individual Care and Requirements p 4_

 _Dos and Don'ts p 6_

 **Sam Winchester p 7**

 _Early Life, Profile, and Additional Info p 7_

 _Individual Care and Requirements p 8_

 _Dos and Don'ts p 10_

 **For Both Brothers p 11**

 **A Word about the Angel p 13**


	2. Dean Winchester

**DEAN WINCHESTER**

 **EARLY LIFE AND PROFILE**

At the age of four, Dean witnessed the tragic death of his mother Mary Winchester and the destruction of their family home, an event that left deep scars in the young boy's mind and changed his life forever.

Dean established himself as his younger brother's protector by carrying him from the burning house, and from then on took it as his sole mission in life to prevent harm from ever reaching Sam.

Sam's care fell almost entirely to Dean after the incident as their father John Winchester often left the boys alone in various motel rooms while he was out hunting for the monster that had killed his wife. Each time he left, John imparted the same order: "Watch out for Sammy." It became ingrained in Dean's very being, and he valiantly rose to the task, effectively taking on the roles of both father and mother to his younger brother to the exclusion of all else, which often included his own desires and aspirations.

Dean was taught to defend himself at an early age and was allowed no illusions about the evil creatures that walked the earth. Between this and taking care of his brother (and at times, his father, when he returned injured from a hunt), Dean had little in the way of a real childhood.

As a result of this constantly being required to put others before himself, Dean developed little sense of self-worth, and has consequently struggled throughout his life with low self-esteem bordering on (and sometimes reaching) self-loathing with self-destructive tendencies, including but not limited to: taking unnecessary risks on hunts, alcoholism, and literally sacrificing his own life for those in need (particularly his younger brother).

Dean tends to avoid emotional conflict, a tactic learned from his militaristic father who channeled his own anger and grief into his obsession with hunting. Dean's methods of coping include drinking, violent outbursts, and ignoring the root of the problem.

Despite his troubled childhood, Dean has survived countless hardships and setbacks by remaining loyal to the ones he loves and never giving up. Like tempered steel, he has come through the fire stronger than he went in, making him the fierce fighter, friend, and brother he is today.

 **ADDITIONAL INFO** : Dean is an Aquarius. He enjoys sunsets, long walks on the beach, and frisky women.

For the correct identification of Dean Winchester, a physical description is provided. Should this description not match one of the men you are currently with, immediate escape is advised. In the event that it matches but something still doesn't seem right, go for the silver.

Physical Characteristics: pretty tall, but still not as tall as Sam, a fact that does not bother him at all because there's tall, and then there's human giraffe. Well-muscled. Green eyes in the olive to deep-forest-pool range. Chiseled features that have been described as, "[L]ike staring into the sun." Upon seeing him, people have been known to say things like, "My god, you are attractive," and, "Wait, I thought the short one in the trench coat was the angel."

 **INDIVIDUAL CARE AND REQUIREMENTS**

 **According to Dean** : Dean Winchester has no cares or needs. He is a badass lone wolf content to roam the open road behind the wheel of his 1967 Chevrolet Impala with nothing but his brother at his side and clear skies ahead.

 **According to Sam** (transcribed directly from recorded interview): (Laughs.) I don't know. A good five years of therapy? I think we could _both_ benefit from that, at any rate…Oh, but definitely pie.

 **According to our researchers** : Despite being a "badass lone wolf," Dean has a sensitive side that, when it shows, should be nurtured and encouraged before he shuts down and goes for the whiskey. Just being there and listening to what is weighing on his mind is usually sufficient. However, you should not allow this attitude to progress to defeatism and self-pity. If it does, a swift kick in the head (figuratively speaking, as neither of the boys needs another head injury) and a 'suck it up, Winchester,' are in order.

Dean needs at least four hours of sleep to function, eats anything with grease, and has a slight cat allergy.

Should you lose Dean while the Winchesters are in your care, the best place to look for him is the nearest bar.

Should anything happen to Dean, keep a close eye on Sam, as there's no telling what he'll do, and seek immediate help.

As Dean's health is otherwise mainly based on his brother's well-being, see 'Individual Care and Requirements' for Sam on page 8.

 **DOS AND DON'TS**

(A special thanks to Sam Winchester for providing these tips)

-Do get pie

-Do not _not_ get pie

-Do not think cake is the same thing as pie

-Do not allow him to sing karaoke

-Do not—please, please do not—let him use the grenade launcher

-Do announce your presence when walking behind him with a dog

-Do not sneak up behind him and bark like a dog

-Do not allow dogs in the car

-Just…nothing with dogs.

-Do not ask him to let you drive

-Do not turn down the radio

-Do not put Baby in a corner

-Do not get Baby towed

-Do not let the air out of Baby's tires

-Do NOT mess with Baby at all

-Do not give him quarters for Magic Fingers

-Do not get him extra onions

-Do get extra bacon

-Do not make him get on an airplane

-Do let him watch _Dr. Sexy M.D_.; do pretend you don't know this about him

-Do play rock in rock-paper-scissors; scissors is his default

-Do not be stingy with the beer

-Do not ask about Hell

-Do not ask about Heaven

-Do not bring up God

-Do not mention Lisa or Ben

-Do not talk about Mom.

-Do not let him blame himself.

-Do let him get all the big kills

-Do put up with his music

-Do let him air guitar "Eye of the Tiger" on his leg if that's what he feels like doing

-DO NOT.

-I repeat, DO NOT.

 _-EVER._

-FORGET.

-THE PIE.


	3. Sam Winchester

**SAM WINCHESTER**

 **EARLY LIFE AND PROFILE**

Due to his father's obsessive pursuit of revenge, Sam's childhood was spent moving around the country. He and his brother were constantly bounced from one school to the next, as the small family rarely lingered in any one town for longer than a few months. In spite of this, Sam exceled at schoolwork and never gave up trying to form connections—an early testament to the astounding resilience that would later keep him not only alive and sane but also incorrigibly hopeful in the face of horror, tragedy, and catastrophe.

The true nature of John Winchester's line of work was kept secret from Sam until he was eight years old. The revelation that there were monsters in the world and that their father fought them changed everything for Sam. Where before had been a disappointing, absentee father now stood a hero, and in place of the inconveniences of uprooting their lives now loomed real and terrifying danger.

As a means of dealing with the fear for his family's safety, Sam began to find ways to contribute on hunts even when he was still too young to participate—mainly, by turning his propensity for academics toward researching the supernatural, an aspect of hunting that he became quite proficient in, much to the joy of his less scholastically inclined brother.

Sam idolized Dean, who had been his primary caretaker for as long as Sam could remember and was one of the few constants in their turbulent lives growing up. He strove to follow in his brother's footsteps and fit in with the rest of the family by becoming a hunter, but never quite took to the life the way Dean had. Having never known his mother—the reason for their mission—Sam never quite had the full understanding to fuel the burning need for revenge, and his desire for the stability and safety of a normal life prevented him from fully committing. Nevertheless, Sam did his best to please his father and brother.

As he grew older, however, he found it harder to shove aside his true feelings. He was tired of their nomadic lifestyle and the near constant danger that John and Dean seemed content to keep throwing themselves into and, although Sam still deeply respected John, he came to resent him for never really being there for his sons as a real father.

In his teens, Sam began to test John's authority. The fact that a man who had largely left his children to raise themselves could drop in, order them around, and uproot their lives whenever it suited him grated on Sam, a feeling that was exacerbated by Dean's apparent willingness to blindly follow orders (a willingness that was largely due to the immense relief that it was for Dean to be able to hand off the staggering responsibility of taking care of himself and his brother whenever John was around to take it). This resentment culminated in Sam leaving Dean and John in order to attend college in pursuit of a normal life, a decision that set in motion a cascade of events that would change not only Sam's life, but also Dean's, and shape the fate of the world.

One of Sam's most prominent personality traits that has carried over from frequently being at odds with his father is his stubbornness. He is not one to give up or take things at face value. Questioning what he knows and what the world tells him has gotten him into a lot of trouble, but has also saved his and Dean's lives on numerous occasions.

Likely as a result of his unpredictable childhood, Sam is at times equally unpredictable. For instance, in the event of some tragedy befalling Dean, it can be a toss up between whether Sam will run off to play house with a random veterinarian, or start another apocalypse trying to save his brother.

Although he was never babied, Sam was the baby of the family, and control of his life was often kept out of his hands. Consequently, being seen as weak, being treated as less than his older brother, and feeling powerless do not sit well with him. Arguments and the Apocalypse tend to ensue.

Despite the evil in his life, Sam has never surrendered to it. He has always striven to overcome his own demons and look for the good in those around him. Through all he has suffered, Sam remains compassionate, selfless, and pure of heart. Where others succumb to the darkness, Sam continues to find the light.

 **ADDITIONAL INFO** : Sam is a riddle wrapped inside an enigma wrapped inside a taco, as well as a walking encyclopedia of weird. Great at reading and speaking Latin; unfortunately for him, not so great when it comes to Japanese.

For the correct identification of Sam Winchester, a physical description is provided. Should this description not match one of the men you are currently with, immediate escape is advised. In the event that it matches but something still doesn't seem right, go for the silver.

Physical Characteristics: Tallishly tall; fittingly answers to the name "Moose." Physique can range from lean to well-muscled to freakin' ripped. General consensus on eye color is hazel, though they've been known to appear green, blue, and brown. Long brown hair that seemingly no amount of torture, death, or neglect can mess up. (Please resist the temptation to cut said hair, as Winchesters should be returned in the same condition in which they were found.*) Melting commonly occurs upon looking into his eyes, as do sore necks as, again, he's really tall.

*Unless they were found possessed, on the brink of death, or injured in any way. In these instances, it is preferred that the reader do their best to put them back together again. Please consult a qualified medical professional, reputable website, or exorcist, as needed.

 **INDIVIDUAL CARE AND REQUIREMENTS**

 **According to Dean** : Sam's only care/requirements include re-runs of Lifetime movies, a box of tissues, and chocolate.

 **According to Sam** : Sam's only care/requirement is an older brother that isn't perpetually twelve years old.

 **According to our researchers** : The most important thing in caring for/meeting the needs of Sam Winchester is to limit care as much as possible; he prefers to feel independent, and Dean smothers him enough as it is. Just be a friend. (And do your very best not to die, as he does not need more ammunition for his "everyone around me dies" argument.)

Due to his laser-like focus (and an unfortunate amount of experience), Sam can go a decent amount of time without sleep, and handles sleep deprivation far better than Dean. He is, however, still human, so make sure he turns in before falling asleep in front of the books. Sam prefers healthier food. Eating should be monitored when working a case, as a tendency to ignore or refuse food while working has been observed.

Should you lose Sam while the Winchesters are in your care, defer to Dean; his ability to find his brother has not failed yet.

Should anything happen to Sam, tie Dean down or find another way to restrain or sedate him, then seek immediate help.

 **DOS AND DON'TS**

(Note: Although Dean was interviewed to provide tips for this section, most of his responses were cut as they were…not what we were looking for. Only information relevant to the context of this manual is included here, though you can find the rest of Dean's response in "Dodging Pies: How to Survive a Winchester Prank War" by B. Warenair.)

-Do not set his alarm clock to play "Heat of the Moment" by Asia

-Do not, for any reason, play "Heat of the Moment" by Asia

-Do not sing "Stairway to Heaven"

-Do not draw any special attention to the fact that it is Tuesday

-Do not make him watch any version of Stephen King's " _It_ "

-Do get worried if you've left him alone for more than a few hours and haven't heard from him

-Do assume the worst if the previous situation occurs.

-Do keep a first aid kit handy

-Do suspect a head injury

-Do see if you can get him to wear a helmet; it's worth a shot.

-Do ask him to elaborate when he suddenly says 'huh' in the middle of research; for some reason he needs to be prompted to share vital information that could mean the difference between life and death on a hunt

-Do not mess with his laptop

-Seriously. Do not mess with his laptop.

-Do put up his OCD

-Do not give in to the puppy dog eyes

-Do not feel bad when you do give in to the puppy dog eyes

-Do not take shotgun

-Do let him win at rock paper scissors

-Do not ask how he knows something

-Do lighten the moment

-Do keep the coffee coming

-Do keep him away from tequila

-Do thorough background checks on his girlfriends/potential love interests, and

-Do not be surprised when something goes wrong anyway.

-Do not let him blame himself. For any of it.

-Do not let him fall too far

-Do be there to pick him back up

-Do not doubt that he will get back up

-Do not underestimate him.

-Do not give up on him.

-Do not call him Sammy.


	4. Both Brothers

**FOR BOTH BROTHERS**

Up until this chapter, the information provided in this manual has pertained to the Winchester brothers' care as individuals, but just as one who spends any amount of time with Sam and Dean cannot fail to recognize their distinct and often contrasting personalities, one would also be unable to deny the brothers' bond as two halves of a complete whole. What has often been described as an unhealthily-codependent relationship is, at its heart, _the_ heart of two men who would have otherwise ceased to function on their own. It is their foundation, their center, and their source; it is both the means and the end, the reason and the way. It is why you can never truly have one without the other and why, should such a tragedy occur, there is always hope that whichever is lost will be found again.

This is a bond forged at birth, cemented by love and loss, fractured by fate, rebuilt by unfailing loyalty, and made impervious by the shared and sheer will to never give in. So long as they are together, they cannot be stopped.

 **DOS AND DON'TS**

-Do keep a fully stocked first aid kit (or sufficiently juiced-up angel) handy

-Do stick with whatever alias they give you

-Do follow their lead on a hunt

-Do not feel bad if you feel like a third wheel; it is usually unavoidable, and it _does_ provide extra stability, right?

-Do not mess with the angel

-Do remain neutral during prank wars

-Do seek immediate cover if you fail to remain neutral during prank wars

-Do accept the fact that merely associating with the Winchesters is about as safe as juggling grenades

-Do not believe them when they say everything is fine

-Do not try to come between them

-Do keep them together, but

-Do realize they sometimes need time apart

-Do not mistake them for a gay couple, and subsequently,

-Do not compare their relationship to marriage

-Do let them cry as much as they want

-Do let them believe they're both super tough and never cry

-Do not expect them to give you your own term of endearment like "b*tch" or "jerk"

-Do realize that the previous two terms are their way of saying "I love you, you pain in the ass" and "Same here, you idiot."

-Do not make them your enemy.

-Just don't.


	5. About the Angel

**A WORD ABOUT THE ANGEL**

While in the company of the Winchesters, it is almost guaranteed that you will make the acquaintance of their self-appointed guardian angel, Castiel. Often referred to as "Cass" by Sam and Dean, he is their closest friend as well as an honorary Winchester, and so a brief overview has been included to give the reader some idea of who the strange man that just appeared out of nowhere in the backseat of the Impala is.

When you first meet Castiel, do not let appearances deceive you; this unassuming, formally-dressed being is actually a celestial entity endowed with the power to smite evil, heal fatal wounds, teleport, manipulate time, talk to cats, operate slurpy machines, and perform a variety of other incredible, though often ambiguous and highly conditional, supernatural abilities. As long as there is no warding, and no one has stolen his grace, and he hasn't just been cast out of/cut off from Heaven, and he isn't under the influence of a curse, and his powers don't in any other way create a plot hole, he is formidable as both friend and enemy.

Never underestimate him. You never know what he may (or conveniently may not) be capable of.

Castiel has a history that predates history, mainly involving watching the world evolve while serving as an Angel of the Lord. He renounced this title when he deserted Heaven's forces in order to join the Winchester brothers in their efforts to thwart the machinations of Heaven and Hell, thus becoming the third member of the informal, anti-Apocalypse group sarcastically dubbed "Team Free Will."

Since then, he has stood by the Winchesters through all manner of disaster and global threat (and has even initiated a few of these himself).

During his relatively brief time with the Winchesters, he has learned more about the world than he ever did from the millennia he spent observing the universe as a cosmic wavelength. He has learned the value of life, friendship, and sacrifice, and has acquired a strong sense of humanity and an appreciation for the little things. Though surrounded by countless angelic siblings since the beginning of time, it wasn't until he met Sam and Dean that he realized what family truly meant. The brothers have his undying loyalty, as he has theirs.

It is unwise to test this bond, just as it is unwise to threaten any Winchester in any way. You will lose.

Beyond that, there is little you need to know to get along with Castiel, as he is surprisingly amicable for someone who used to serve a race of beings that didn't mind razing the world's population for what was essentially their own entertainment. Just do your best to help Sam and Dean keep tabs on him when he's not around, as he has a bad habit of going off on his own and getting himself into trouble.

And please, keep him away from Netflix.


	6. Conclusion & Acknowledgements

**Conclusion and Acknowledgements**

If you have made it this far into the manual, congratulations are in order. Not only for being such a dedicated reader, but for surviving being associated with the Winchesters long enough to make it here. While we cannot take credit for whatever incredible good fortune got you this far, it is our sincerest hope that the guidance offered within this manual has helped you along the way, and that you have managed to keep both brothers from killing each other for this long as well.

Thank you for reading The Official Winchester Care Manual ©. We hope you have enjoyed your time with the Winchesters.

Special thanks to our contributors:

Sam Winchester

Dean Winchester

Becky Rosen (though your submissions were not used, we thank you for your…enthusiasm. Please stop emailing us.)

beckini

Guest

Rayen A. King

Guest

Winchesterlover4

lexieconextreme

Katy

Ktoon

SMorgana

Kathy G


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